


Rebuilding Their Future

by jackandsamforever



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M, Prompt Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-18
Updated: 2014-06-18
Packaged: 2018-02-05 03:48:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1804189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jackandsamforever/pseuds/jackandsamforever
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>May and Coulson's relationship is on the brink of ruin after she tells him she's going on a dangerous mission to find a new site for SHIELD. It's more dangerous than she realizes. Set one year in the future after the season finale.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rebuilding Their Future

**Author's Note:**

  * For [iluvspydaddy47](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=iluvspydaddy47).



> This is set in the future after SHIELD has fallen. I foresee this going a few chapters if people are interested in me continuing.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Agents of SHIELD.

It had been over a year since everything came out between them. A year since he'd told her that he didn't trust her. A year since SHIELD had gone to hell. A year since they'd worked to pick up the pieces of the agency and their relationship.

It had taken him a good month to speak to her normally again, like he used to before it was revealed that she was reporting to Fury about his condition. It had taken another two months for him to come to her with some problems that he'd been having, professional problems, not personal. She had done what she could to help, but wished he would let her in more.

Personal didn't happen until eight months after the collapse while they were living in a temporary bunker in Canada. That's when he finally opened up to her about how overwhelmed he was feeling. He felt like he was teetering on the brink of insanity. He didn't know who he could trust, who to turn to, because he'd been burned by more than a few people who had ended up being more HYDRA agents. He was losing weight, he wasn't sleeping well, and there had been something strange going on with his mind ever since he found out what TAHITI really had been.

He had knocked on her door late one night, and when she'd swung it open, it revealed him with his tie loosened, the sleeves of his dress shirt rolled up and his jacket gone, his trousers rumpled, and his hair in disarray. He looked like he'd been run over by a truck, and she told him so. "Coulson, you look like hell, what's going on?" His eyes were dead, and she'd only ever seen him like that one time before; it scared her more than she had wanted to admit.

When he hadn't answered, she had grabbed his forearm and pulled him inside, then led him over to the chair next to her bed and pushed him gently into it. She had sat down on the bed across from him and waited for him to speak. He had sat there with his forearms resting on the arm rests, his eyes staring at nothing, his jaw working to say something for at least five minutes until he finally opened his mouth. Only one word came out. "Mel." He had looked like he was about to cry. She hadn't been able to handle seeing Coulson hurt like this; it had physically hurt her, so she had knelt next to him and put her hand on his thigh, then squeezed it and said softly, "Phil, talk to me."

He had looked at her with narrowed brows, as if he deciding if he could trust her, but then she had seen the change in his eyes instantly. When he had decided that he no longer cared, that he just needed to talk. That's when he'd told her everything. About his sleeping, his trouble with traitors, the odd places he would find himself in the morning. He'd told her everything, holding nothing back.

She'd continued to kneel in front of him with her hand on his upper thigh the entire time. When he'd finally run out of things to say, he had sat back and closed his eyes, as if a huge weight had been lifted off of his shoulders; and she hadn't said a word.

They'd stayed silent for another few minutes, then she'd glanced at the clock to her right and saw that it had been well past midnight. She had placed her free hand on his that was resting on his stomach, and said, "Let's go to bed." He'd opened his mouth to protest, but then closed it after seeing in her eyes that she'd just meant to sleep, nothing more. He'd finally nodded, then had let her haul him up and begin to undress him. He'd stood still as she removed his tie, shirt, and trousers; leaving him only in a white pair of boxers. Then she'd sat him on the bed and took his shoes and socks off, then had pushed him down and pulled the blanket over him.

He'd turned on his side and looked up at her with eyes that were no longer dead and had given her a small smile. "Thank you, Mel."

She hadn't smiled, or said you're welcome, she'd just nodded in acknowledgment and moved to remove her own clothing. As soon as she'd finished, she'd turned the light off and slid into bed with him. They didn't touch, but he had seemed to be comforted by her presence and his admissions, because he had drifted off to sleep quickly. She'd lain awake for a long time, trying to think of how she could help him.

When she hadn't come up with anything concrete, she had finally allowed herself to sleep. She had turned on her side and brushed his bare side with her fingertips before dropping her hand and sighing. She'd felt like they were finally turning a corner in their relationship; whatever that may be.

OOOOOO

That had been over four months ago. They continued to sleep in the same bed every night, even going so far as holding each other when times became rough. And they'd had rough times..many of them. After one particularly difficult night, when he'd found out that one of his best friends had been killed in the attack, he had pulled her close to him and held on tightly. She had taken a chance and brushed her lips over his (for comfort is what she had told herself at the time), but he'd immediately responded with an urgency that belied the languid, soft way he moved his lips over hers. When his hands moved around to brush the underside of her breasts, she had broken the kiss off and pushed his hands down to her waist and whispered, "Not here, not like this."

He had nodded, his breathing already slowing as he leaned his forehead against hers. His thumbs had stroked her side as he'd apologized for getting carried away. She'd kissed his unshaven jaw and told him that it had been a mistake, and that they should just forget it. He had agreed, and they hadn't spoken about it since. But they had continued to kiss each other good night, even if they didn't let it escalate beyond that. They acted like a couple, almost felt like a couple, but they couldn't let things progress, not with how things were on the outside.

OOOOOO

Rebuilding SHIELD wasn't easy, and Coulson felt like he wasn't getting the kind of support he needed from the Avengers and Nick Fury. They hadn't seen Fury since he'd made Coulson director, and Phil was still bitter about that. He didn't understand why all the responsibility had to be thrown on his shoulders while trying to defend Earth and make everyone happy. The Avengers were constantly bickering, and it drove him absolutely crazy. He'd ranted to May more than a few times, and she'd let him because he had no one else to turn to. It kind of reminded her about how their short marriage had been all those years ago, but she tried not to think about that, because that was painful for both of them.

No one else seemed to question their relationship, at least to their face. They technically didn't have a relationship, but from all appearances sake, they did. They spent all of their time together. When they ate lunch they sat close and bent their heads towards each other, talking about strategy and plans. Of course to outsiders, it looked like they were playing the happy couple, but that was far from the truth. They were working hard to make SHIELD relevant again, to make it like it once was. But it all came down to the fact that they didn't have the resources they needed to completely rebuild it like it once was; it frustrated Coulson to no end.

Skye had tried to talk to him about what he needed, but he had pushed her away. It seemed he could only bring himself to tell May what was really bothering him. She knew he trusted Skye and FitzSimmons, but he obviously didn't want to burden them with his problems. He wanted to look confident and worthy in their eyes; he didn't realize that he could practically do no wrong as far as they were concerned.

So as it was, they were currently trying to find a new home for SHIELD. Between he and May, they had decided to find somewhere rural and hard to find. They didn't want what happened last time to happen again. He didn't need city officials calling him daily about the damage some Avenger or SHIELD agent had done to a building or park. He was sick of it, and the only solution seemed to be to build their new base somewhere discreet. Of course no one but May seemed to agree with that, and that had brought on more ranting and raving in the privacy of their bedroom (yes, _theirs_ ). She always listened and offered suggestions when she had them, but most of the time she let him just talk himself out. That seemed to be the best therapy for him, and she was more than happy to be his listening ear.

Which was where she found herself at the moment, sitting in a chair by the bed, while he paced in front of her in his boxers, ranting about how Stark wasn't willing to help out with the funds to build a new headquarters unless he had a say where it went. She knew Coulson loved Stark, but right now he was beyond pissed with him.

She stared at the scar on his chest as he passed her again and tried not to think about how he got it. It had been the worst moment in her life when she had received the phone call about his death, and she always teared up at the thought of it; because even though he was pacing practically naked in front of her very much alive, she always had that little fear in the back of her mind that she was going to lose him again. She didn't think she could handle that; she didn't handle it the first time.

"Melinda?" She blinked and saw that he had stopped in front of her with his hands on his hips.

She uttered no apology as she locked eyes with him. "What?"

He sighed, "You haven't heard a word I've said, have you?" He looked defeated as he sat on the edge of their bed and put his head in his hands. Again she was amazed at how much weight he had lost, she could practically count the ribs protruding out of his side.

She leaned forward and placed a hand on his knee. "I heard everything the first time. I just wasn't listening the other four times you repeated yourself."

He sat up and rubbed his neck tiredly. "I just don't know what to do. I can't let Stark choose our new site, but I can't build a new headquarters without his money. We're at an impasse."

She stood up and grabbed his hand, then pulled him up from the bed. She stood there looking at him with a raised eyebrow until he looked at her. "Phil, you're going to figure it out. You know Stark, he'll eventually cave. I'll talk to Pepper and have her talk to Tony. That's all we can do right now. You need to stop stressing so much about it, it's not good for your health."

He narrowed his eyes. "What do you mean? I'm perfectly healthy."

She shook her head and made a show of looking at his ribs. He lifted his arm up and winced when he saw what she was referring to. "Ok, so maybe I've lost a little weight, but I feel fine."

May just shook her head and sighed. He was as bull-headed as they came, but she wasn't much different, and that's why they hadn't worked the first time around. She was determined to make it this time though, even if she had to wait years for him to come around. Her life wasn't complete without him in her life; it was a simple fact that she had admitted only to herself, in the privacy of her mind. She didn't want to scare him away, not after everything they had been through, so she would be patient and wait.

She stepped forward and pressed her lips to his softly, then pulled back and stripped her shirt and pants off, leaving her in a sports bra and panties, then slid into the bed and turned her back to him. She was tired. Tired of the stress. Tired of bickering with Phil. Tired of sitting around and doing nothing while they rebuilt their livelihood. She felt like a caged animal, and didn't understand why she was now just feeling like this.

She saw the light turn off and felt the bed dip, then his arm snaked around her waist and pulled her against his body. He kissed the back of her neck, then moved his face next to hers so he could speak in her ear. "I'm sorry, Mel. I know all I do is complain. You know you're the only person I can talk to about this, and sometimes I go overboard. I see that now. Feel free to kick me in the ass next time I won't shut up."

She smiled in the darkness and lightly traced the bones of his hand that was splayed over the skin of her stomach. Instead of telling him she forgave him, she halted her movements and said, "I want to go on the mission to find the next headquarters."

He was quiet for a full thirty seconds (she counted), then he said quietly but forcefully, "No."

She turned in his arms and tried to make out his features in the dark. "Phil, I need to get out of here for a while. I feel like I'm not contributing anything. You need to let me go, because I know your reasons are purely selfish for wanting me to stay."

His arm tightened on her back. "Of course they are, Mel! I don't want the woman I lo—care a lot about to be in danger. Can you blame me?" He sounded incredulous, and angry.

She pushed away from him and sat up on the edge of the bed. "You know how I am. What kind of person I am. If you can't accept that, then this...whatever this is between us..can't continue."

Coulson sat up and stared at her dark silhouette. He didn't know what to say. He loved her, but he didn't feel like it was a great time to tell her that. He knew she wouldn't accept his coddling, he'd always known that, but he hadn't realized that getting closer to her would make it that much harder. She was a bad ass, she could take care of herself. He knew that, but he still didn't want her to go.

Instead of telling her any of that, he sighed and said quietly, "Fine. You can go."

He turned to see her shoulders relax as he continued. "But I can't sit by and wait like a worried husband for your return. I just can't. This has to end, for my sanity." He stood up and began to pull his clothes on. "I'm sorry, Mel."

She didn't turn to watch him as he finished dressing. She didn't try to stop him as he walked out of their bedroom. She didn't try to convince him to stay.

She just sat there as a lone tear fell off the end of her nose and landed on her clasped hands.

OOOOOO

She didn't sleep that night. She knew she should because the team was leaving early that morning to scout locations for the next SHIELD site, but all she could think about was the tone of Coulson's voice as he told her she could go. It haunted her every time she closed her eyes; so she kept them open.

When her alarm went off, she pulled his pillow over her face and breathed in his aftershave. She didn't know the last time she would have the opportunity to do so; and that hurt more than anything.

After a few minutes, she slipped out of bed and took a quick shower, dressed, then packed a small bag.

She walked out of their room and began walking down the hallway towards where the team was meeting.

As she passed a doorway, a hand shot out and grabbed her arm, pulling her into a closet. She raised her arm to strike her assailant, but _his_ voice stopped her. "May, it's me."

She closed her eyes briefly and lowered her arm. "Coulson, what the hell are you doing?" She said sharply, still angry at him for leaving her the night before.

He leaned close to her and said quietly, "I just wanted to see you before you left. Tell you to watch your back."

She sighed. "You don't think I know that already? Hell, I'm the last per..." She trailed off when she realized that that was his way of telling her that he was worried about her.

She raised her hand and trailed the back of her knuckles down his cheek. "I plan on coming back. You can count on it."

He closed his eyes at the contact and nodded at her words. "You better."

She leaned in and kissed him briefly, then spun on her heel and walked away from him without another word. She resisted the urge to look back at him, even though she could feel his eyes on hers.

It hurt to leave him more than she thought it would; she already missed him.

**Author's Note:**

> This is dedicated to iluvspydaddy47 for the great prompt. Be prepared for angst, it's my favorite type of fic to write. ;) I would love to hear what you all think. Thanks for reading!


End file.
